yup, tired, that's me.  am sick, have tests and assignments coming out the wazoo plus working.

 

sigh.

 

some days i feel so much older than my actual age.  weary, tired, stressed (not to mention a lot more intelligent than some of my classmates, but that's serious unmodest).

i totaly just remembered that i havnt updated this thing in nearly a month...  i dont have much time.

 

school is fucking awesome. ive made some amazing friends.

 

work is pathetic and i wanna quit so i am looking for a new job.

 

i have so much homework to tackle.

 

i rarely sleep anymore for more than a couple hours at a time.

 

i love brian.

 

i'm still trying to get used to living at home and it's a wee bit rough but it'll work out.

 

more later.

 

xoxo.

holy crap, orientation is TOMORROW.

 

i have no clue whatsoever about what to wear.  i wanna work out at the gym tomorrow too if i can.  i am so excited...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, i totally just realised that orientation starts in 8 days and school starts in 13... holy mother of god, i have 13 days (minus 1 for labour day) to get ready for school. omg omg omg omg omg

 

 

TENEISHA, JEN.... WE MUST GO SHOPPING...  even if we dont buy much we MUST go shopping....  think of it as therapy.

ok, so my landlord from last year is a dumbass and fucked up his taxes so he's getting audited, which means i have to send it rent receipts.

 

work sucks.

 

i bought new shoes.

 

i am so lonely, i haven't seen brian since friday...

 

i miss maevey.

 

i STILL haven't done my school shopping for either clothes or supplies. ugh.

 

my feet are really sore and swollen.

 

i ran into some bitches from my highschool today, NOT a pleasant experience and running into them was totally random.

 

the pink in my hair is slowly fading out.

 

brian's 20th is on friday.

 

i'm super tired and lonely. i want to eat an entire tube of cookie dough but the very thought makes my stomach turn.

sigh.. my parents just got home from their vacation and they are fighting already....... i hate this shit. i really do.

i cleaned the whole house, i watered the plants and did the dishes yet they're still pissed off at each other and taking it out on us...  theyve not said more than 20 words to each of us since they got in the door.  every bloody time they go on vacation this happens, they get mad no matter what. sometimes i wonder why they even bother.. i wish theyd taken 2 weeks for it, but they didn't and now they are mad about god knows what.

 

 

gahhhhhhh........

i really hate work.. i can't believe i had to request a day off a week in adavance, this is insane....

 

my head is pounding, im tired, there's still so much to do before my parents come home.. why can't i win?

ugh doctor's appointment at 2.15, then come home and clean...

 

just over 2 weeks til school starts... i can barely believe it... i can barely wait any longer...  i want more time off work.. i want a new job.. i hate dominion so much. i can't fucking take it anymore... why does my manager have to be the bitch from hell?

what a stupid day... gillian actually expected me to stay til 4.30 cuz she changed my schedule. sorry but if no one informs me, i ain't gonna do it.

 

cleaning up myr oom.. i'm actually making progress. fort he first time in months i can see my floor! and i'm not tripping over everything i own! score me! gonna finish cleaning up totally then re-arrange... man do i feel productive!

work is so beyond messed up. i cannot wait to leave....

 

my msn space was dead for some reason but i'm back now (i hope) bwahahaha!

 

i am so tired... work is killing me, i still haven't unpacked, my room's a mess... oh well.

 

i talked to my mum about humber and she's letting me go there!! i am so excited..

 

 

i need a nap...

 

I FUCKING GOT INTO HUMBER LAKESHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

ok.. i need to take deep breaths lol. i got into humber lakeshore (10 minutes from my freaking house) for social services with a scholarship... i am totally freaking... i'm so happy, but worried, but happy and scared... a new school... living at home... 2 years til my dream career.... so many mixed up feelings, but i'm excited more than anything.  still gotta talk to my mum about it though and that's tonight (being saturday), i'm so nervous...

 

imagine...

>>not having to move back to windsor...

>>not being so freaking lonely...

>>not wasting 2 years on a degree i don't want...

>>getting the career i want in 2 years...

>>being able to study and work without worrying so much over money and things like that...

>>not wondering where my next meal is coming from...

>>being independant again...

 

this makes so many things easier... becoming an SSW in 2 years, having experience, moving out 2 years from now when i get a full time job at the age of 22..., i'll be 21 when i graduate.. i'm so nervous, but so happy... i get a fresh start even though i don't feel like i deserve one...  i can keep my job and school is just down the street from me here.. i can save up and move out when i graduate... i dont have to worry about bills or tuition or books or food or rent... i don't have to miss brian every day and miss my family... there are negative parts of living at home, but somehow i don't mind the cost.

Ok, yesterday's entry requires explanation since my msn refuses to let me reply to any msg's i receive.

 

Ashtonbee is a Centennial College campus in Scarborough and.... i got in!  I got accepted into social services there, so i MIGHT not have to go back to UWindsor *crosses fingers*

 

Ok, I don't "hate" UWindsor, I have a lot of great friends there and it's a nice campus and classes are.. interesting... but it just doesn't have what I want.  I love living away from home but it's too expensive, too far, too much stress... and I didn't get into my program there.

 

By going to Ashtonbee (if I can get my mother to agree with this plan), I'll be a social services worker in 2 years, I'll have advanced standing into a Masters program for social work... and it's more than half the price of going to UWindsor considering I won't have nearly as many living expenses to pay... I cna keep my dreadful job at the bakery and work evenings.. or find a better job in Toronto... less stress, less money... please oh please let me go!

omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg.............

 

 

 

 

I FUCKING GOT INTO ASHTON-FUCKING-BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dances around like a mad man*

sometimes i really hate msn space and almost everyone around me without much reason too.  I am ok, just.. weird.

 

my room is slowly getting cleaner.

 

thanks to evryone who sent me birthday wishes. i love you all dearly.  i got some very lovely giftsand i'm thankful for them all.

 

i can't wait til this stupid room finally gets organized.

today is my 20th birthday.

 

brian took me to the drive in and we saw the breakup and tokyo drift (it was dreadful as expected). weate at wendy's and just generally hung out.  i had an awesome time and his gift was perfect (a new set of altec lansing speakers and a new woofer, 4 speakers total and the woofer and the whole she-bang is 2ce the size of what i alreayd had).  and they are sexy and black. hehehe.

 

i'm having a shitty time at home. parents are beyonf mad, 'nuf said.  brian taking me out was my birthday celebration since my parents are so freaking mad at me and my sister that they arent talking to us (despite it being my 20th birthday).

 

i'm going to clean my room, sleep, go running and then go to church. huzzah.  what a lovely birthday, NOT.

tonight we almost killed a kid on my street. if my dad hadn't stopped the car in time, he'd be a mangled mess of blood, bone and death.  why can't these kids use the sidewalks? they live down our street and cause so much bloody mayhem.  my mum almost had a heart attack and she went over to talk to the kid's dad.  i know the kid's in a lot of shit with his fmaily right now, but better than than lying on a gurney dying in a hospital.

i'm lost in this song called "i write sins not tragedies" whenever i am at work or think of it, rumours fly around and around and around and they drive me so far up the wall i come sliding down.

 

college interview in the morning >.<*  am stressed.  i haven't seen brian yet today, but hopefully i will when he gets back from dinner, wherever he is.  meep.

 

am in a weird emo mood today.

how freaked out am i? VERY.

 

I have my interview at humber college on tuesday.. my stomach is all in knots right now.  i'm excited, i'm nervous, i'm happy.. it's a strange feeling to be honest.

 

i bought some interview clothes at old navy but i still need a skirt and some shoes, gott fix my hair too (gotta get the blue out) so am dying it dark this time.

I bought a fish this afternoon.  Brian and I went to Yorkdale and I bought a male Beta fish and his name is nor Mortimer.

 

I haven't shown my parents yet, but whatever, my money, my fish.  He's beautiful and is in great condition.